


December's Bareness

by xuhei



Series: Triads AU [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mafia AU, SMUT!!, but not really, its kinda soft, read if you like angst really, that is lol, yeah theres a lot of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 14:00:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12255807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuhei/pseuds/xuhei
Summary: “But let me set one thing straight. I can’t live without you. I’ve barely been sleeping because I don’t know if you’re okay. I won’t live with myself if you’re hurt, and you can bet your ass I will be looking out for anyone who could have touched you. Innocent or not. I will hunt them down until I know you’re okay. Please. Please. I just want to know you’re okay.”





	December's Bareness

**Author's Note:**

> dude. im a hoe for kihyun being hard and badass etc. dark kihyun is v prominent in my life. anyway, enjoy heartbreak

Usually when someone tells you that they would _die_ for you, it’s a complete dramatisation for the actual feelings they have towards you. It’s basically a translation of _I love you_ (or some other _moist_ shit like that, sorry) when they feel the need to be extra expressive.

But really? It’s just unnecessary. Though many people would fall for that completely idiotic use of hyperbolic dialogue, you were going to sit through every damn speech a boy had for you using that phrase.

And you weren’t even going to bat an eyelid.

“But you know that I need you!” the boy you’ve been seeing for little under three weeks shouts. He barely has your name on his phone, let alone enough for you to be able to accept his claim that maybe his life would be completely different without you in it. “Please listen to me. Why are you leaving me?”

“I’m not _leaving you_. I’m telling you that I don’t want to see you anymore because your presence drains me of all energy and I really, just _really_ want to spend one night sleeping without you texting me and waking me up!”

His name begins with an J, you’re sure of that. You had avoided saying his name and instead called him _baby_ —a bad choice that lead to his unhealthy connection to you—in the hopes he’d not realise you weren’t so much interested in him but rather everything about _him_. The fact he was a lawyer for one of the big businesses that earned a hell of a lot of money sorting out their problems. The _very_ fact he could buy you a lot of what you wanted.

In no way was he your sugar daddy – he was more like someone who you _saw, per say,_ in order to get things from him. The shoes he said were perfect for you, well, they _were_ perfect for you. The dress he said would make you look beautiful, it did. He was more like a guy your age who hadn’t had his dick sucked in maybe a year or so and really thought that you would actually suck him off if he was nice enough.

“I thought you liked me!” he screams. Business ones are always like this. They expect to get their own way and can’t listen to what you’re saying to them. Actually, that’s most men… _oh well_.

“And I thought you had a big dick,” you say, shrugging at his words, “we were all disappointed, Mr. Kim.”

He glowers at you from across the bar—yes, you were in a _bar_ whilst this was happening—and almost throws down his drink in frustration. “My name is Park!”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. We all make mistakes. But either way, please don’t contact me again.”

A nicely finished _break up_ is tied off with a bow, one that is watched by many people across the bar who have seen their weekly entertainment and now want to just drink in peace without being interrupted by god knows who, god knows when. You’re so impressed with the break up you forget to make sure that this Park guy leaves like he should – for all you know he’s waiting around to see if you’re up to anything after _breaking his heart_.

Instead of watching him, you end up back at the bar where this all started (Mr. Park offering you some money if he could fuck you in the toilet, and you reminding him that he’s not your sugar daddy and you’re not his sugar baby), and order another Black Russian to accompany you for the rest of the night. Not the best drink, but it’s certainly one that will keep you alive for the rest of tonight.

If you had it your way you’d be asleep at ten pm in the arms of some guy that you actually cared about. Too bad everyone around here was either a, brain-dead, b, a fuckboy or c, married.

 _Oh,_ how you could dream about being in someone’s arms with a blanket over the top of you, as they stroked your hair so gently and whispered that they loved you. Then you’d wait up with them in the morning and everything would be so quiet and peaceful that you’d live happily ever after and—

No.

That doesn’t happen. Don’t try to fool yourself that it does because you’ll be sitting in a pile of your own disappointment when all you’re left with is a heartbreak and misery from guys who claim they love you.

Because they cheat and they lie and, _this is the worst thing_ , to them love is nothing more than making you feel like they actually love you when really, they’re with another girl every other night and paying her to keep their mouth shut about how hard he came in her mouth. Yeah, that’s how highly you regarded these _men_.

That’s really how the night goes, to be honest. A string of people offering you the same thing over and over until you’re sick of the very sound of the word _hey_.

 _Hey, do you want me to buy you a drink?_ No.

 _Hey, do you need a boyfriend?_ No.

 _Hey, are you looking for someone to hook up with?_ No.

 _Hey, are you from Tennessee because you—?_ No.

 _Hey, is someone sitting in this chair, even though I’ve been watching this seat and no one has sat in it all night, but I’m asking so you think I’m nice even though I’m the biggest asshole in town?_ Fuck off.

_Did you know that after Pablo Escobar died, the cocaine business still grew?_

That question, sent to you buy a guy with dark brown hair and equally dark eyes, ones that have you choked in their hold for a moment. He’s wearing a black shirt and a black blazer, but his shoes aren’t as expensive. What a weird guy.

“How many series of Narcos have you watched?”

He tries to hold back a laugh at your question, rolling his eyes. “So, you do know that the business continues to grow?” he asks you.

You hum. “I’m fairly certain that the Cali Cartel were operating in New York where business was much better. But, before we continue, are you here to sell me drugs?”

“God no,” he answers, shaking his head. A few of his hairs fall lose and you can’t help but stare at the uneven placement over his eyes. “You don’t strike me as someone who does drugs. Not from a stranger at a bar, anyway. What are you drinking?”

“I don’t want you to buy me a drink.”

He frowns. For a moment, you feel as though he’d given you the hardest backhander to ever occur on earth. “Who said I was going to buy you a drink?”

“Black Russian.”

“Then I’ll have one too,” he says. He calls to the bar tender who nods and proceeds to bring the man what he wants. Meanwhile you’re eyeing the sunglasses in his top pocket. He notices. “Are you from near here?”

“I live nearby, yes.”

He hums, taking his drink that was so swiftly made for him and taking a gulp from it. The taste seems to suit him because he nods knowingly. “Well maybe you can help me, because I’m looking for someone to show me around this place. I’m not from here, you see. Did you not notice?”

“I’ll admit that you are a little different to the people usually around here.”

“Like Mr. Park?”

“Like Mr. Park,” you confirm, smile falling onto your lips with his words. “What should I call you, if I’m going to show you around here and what not.”

He drinks some more of his drink before he answers you, lips slightly wet from the liquor. “I guess you can call me Mr. Yoo. Will you remember that?”

“It depends on whether you give me a reason to remember you, Mr. Yoo.”

♠♠♠♠

As it did turn out, Mr. Yoo—with his rather conspicuous name that made you think he had a very much controlling mind-set to him—was easy to remember. If it wasn’t the way he said your name like it was pronounced by the gods, or the way he looked at you from across the taxi, then the way he purred when you touched him on the shoulder and told him where your apartment was _certainly_ did draw you in to him.

Actually, that might have been nice. You could put kitten ears on him and make him do a little role play for you, instead of the reverse that was happening as you thought of him in such a compromising position.

“Do I need to ask you again?” he says.

Reality states that he’s standing above you now with a smirk on his lips that drags you down further to the hell which he controls. None of the story books ever said Hades was this attractive but the devil was certainly supposed to be. It was just a shame you couldn’t pinpoint where you’d seen his face before; it looked like one that had been slandered in a magazine before.

“No,” you answer softly, placing your hands on your thighs and straightening your back so that he can see every inch of you. “Anything you tell me to do, I’ll do.”

He hums, dragging the very tip of his finger down the back of your neck and tracing your spine. He stops at the small of your back, removing his finger and instead placing his entire hand on your shoulder. He’s behind you, somewhere, but you have no idea _where_. “Anything?”

“ _Anything_.”

“And what do you want in return?” he asks you.

Though he had specifically told you not to turn around and that you needed to stay still whilst he was doing what he _needed_ to do, you lean your head to the right so you can just catch a glimpse of him behind you. He’s not wearing his blazer anymore but the black shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. There’s a shine on his forehead to that makes you think he’s been sweating a little.

He almost seems mad at you for turning your head, even if you were willing take whatever punishment he wanted to give, but waits for you to speak. For a second he’s entranced by your lips that are almost quivering in wait for him. “I want _you_.”

“Well I can give you that, baby,” he answers, moving closer to you. So close that his hairs are practically tickling the back of your neck and send a shiver down your spine. “But you do actually have to do what I say. Can you listen to what I tell you to do?”

A shy, _innocent_ nod is all that it takes for Mr. Yoo to have his arms around your waist as he lingers over your body. His fingers graze your hips and your thighs as he nears the one place you’ve wanted him to touch ever since he kissed you in the taxi on the way to your home. Whilst you felt a little disappointed that he was doing this all on your bed, he was making you whimper _this_ loudly in your own space, his overall body and face was making you cave into his every word. His every uttered syllable from those pink lips of his that were intoxicating.

“Can you put my hands where you want them the most, kitten?” he asks, lips ghosting your left ear and making your heart beat fast, “the one place you desire for me to… _touch_.”

He doesn’t need to ask you twice, even if you are thinking about having him punish you here, on the spot, for what you’re not doing that he’s telling you to do. So you take one of his hands that’s on your thigh and you place it between your thighs, guiding his fingers to your core that’s wet at the thought of someone like _Mr. Yoo_ doing anything to you.

The little chuckle that falls from his tongue is enough to have you leaning back into his body, feeling his hand move skilfully over you folds and _straight_ to the clit. He knew that you meant there the _whole_ time. Even when you were ogling him as he walked in front of you, he knew your mind was on one thing and that was _how good is he with his hands_.

And he’s good. He’s _so_ good.

“You’re not shy, are you?” he questions, pulling your back right into his chest as he circles his thumb over your clit. Is he trying to spell his name? You’re lost in his actions and can’t really see where they point to. He must have noticed you weren’t completely devastated by the way he’s working on you, so he makes his movements more intense and faster. “Anything else you want?”

“Mouth.”

“ _Mouth_?”

His question comes as a surprise to you, since you were half expecting him to do what _you_ said too and just eat you out without any questions. Maybe that was a little too demanding. You’ll give him the benefit of the doubt since his fingers are _this_ talented, so you nod and look back to him with eyes that are in need of him.

“If you wish,” he says softly.

He takes his hands away from you and instead of trying to manipulate your position, he moves away from you. When you finally decide to look back at him, he’s laying back on the bed with the with his eyebrows raised and hands either side of his head. You’d have been able to guess what exactly he meant but you can’t look away from his eyes. They’re so dark. Were they this dark before? You have no idea what to expect from anything, or from _Mr. Yoo._

“Come.” He holds out a hand for you, one which you promptly take so he can lead you to where he wants you to be. You shuffle across your sheets, little by little, until you’re directly above Oyo’s chest. He can’t help but give you a once over, licking his lips as he nears the thighs which he marked with his hands earlier. Another pull of your hand and you’re moving further towards his face, thighs spread across his shoulder until he stops you. “See, it’s not bad to listen to me, is it kitten?”

You can only shake your head. You’re sure your legs would give way if you took your concentration away from keeping them up straight and holding you up. He then decides to pull you forward again, so his face is right between your thighs and he can kiss you so softly on the skin that’s either side of him. Kiss you, then nip you, then leave a bite mark on your thigh that you know will hurt you for a while. His skin practically burns into your own.

Whilst you so desperately want to reach down and grasp onto his hair, pulling him closer to the _real_ place you wanted to feel those _so_ talented lips of his, you’re nervous. Something about his commanding nature makes you resist the temptations running through your mind as resists you. He’s under your skin already, he’s making sure you remember him for what he’s done to you.

The moment his lips touch your clit you feel like he’s got you gasping for air. He blows a little to test your sensitivity but when he sees that you’re so _desperate_ for him he goes back with his lips, sucking on your bundle of nerves to see how far he can get you.

And that tongue. You think it might be able to work wonders.

“Good?” he says, voice vibrating against you and making your muscles tight.

You swallow hard, hands trying to find something to grasp onto but failing. He knows you’re struggling but doesn’t offer to help at all. “ _Good_.”

“Want more?” His words come with a smirk that you can just about see. He’s almost hidden beneath you but still manages to make you know he’s enjoying the fact you’re a quivering mess. Somewhere along the lines he takes your hand and places it on his hair, expecting you to tug at the tufts of hair instead of looking so lost. “Answer me.”

“Yes,” you say, so submissively too.

You could have been there for hours. You felt like he was working on you for the longest amount of time, making sure every part of you was riled up for him. To feel everything he had to offer, actually. Mr. Yoo has used little more than his fingers and mouth and you’re already a mess. God knows what you’ll be like when he does something more.

 _If_ he does something more, that is.

He gets you in all the right places, revelling in your moans and using it all to his advantage. A few licks of his tongue flat against your folds has him completely in control, knowing you’re close just by the way you’re moaning so loudly for him, falling into the trap he’s set for you. “Are you close, kitten?”

You nod, twisting your fingers into his hair even more. The feeling in the pit of your stomach is getting worse, you’re so close to cummings that just the thought of having _you_ all over that beautiful face of his makes you whimper. His nose just brushes your clit and you’re sent over the edge, white stars filling your vision as you cry out and shut your eyes. _Hard._

Even though you fall back onto his chest, straddling him still, looking down at his face was not the best idea. The image of his lips slick _all_ because of you makes you want so much more. You’ll never forget him, no you won’t – you have a reason to remember his name since the image of him like that is seared into your mind forever.

Your tired mind goes straight to him though. Your words take him by surprise. “I want to make you feel good too, Mr. Yoo.”

♠♠♠♠

You’re not really sure _why_ you reach out and expect to see the man you’d spent your night with next to you – there’s no reason for him to stay whatsoever, and he probably left in the middle of the night. It wasn’t like you did everything you could to make him feel good and—

 _Okay_. You won’t make a big deal out of anything. Nothing said Yoo had to stay; you didn’t even know his first name for Christ’s sake! You’d just been moaning something like _jesus_ and he’d been taking it in his stride, as if you were calling _him_ jesus. What a damn narcissist.

You are surprised, however, to see his shoes still on the floor when you sit up in your bed and look down to see what mess was in the floor. There’s no mess, actually. Just tidied shoes and other clothes that are neatly in order on your desk along with a phone that doesn’t actually look like yours. Black iPhone 7.

There’s a prominent smell of… _food_ too. Strange. Maybe he did stay and this is going to turn out like one of those over the top, super romantic moments like every girl wants with their one night stand.

Low and behold, your _date—_ loosely called that—is in the kitchen when you walk down the corridor. He’s got his back to you so he can’t see that you’re staring at him from the other side of the room but _holy shit his back is amazing_. You didn’t get to appreciate it last night but now you can. Now you can _worship_ how nice his back is when he’s standing at your cooker, doing _something._

Even if it is under his shirt. You can still see how his muscles work because that shirt is _tight_.

Thank god you have good self-control, because otherwise you may have been all over the boy who’s right in front of you and showing just how good he looks to _you_. For a second you think he may have staged it so you would fall head over heels for him but then he turns around and meets your eyes and…

“Hey,” he says softly, eyes running down your body that is barely covered by an old shirt you found in your drawers. You figured it wouldn’t matter that he saw your near naked legs because he _had_ already seen them a lot last night. When he’s back at your eyes he smiles. “Sorry I… figured you would like something to eat.”

You shake your head. Even if you were about to deny his cooking you’re still thankful that he thought of you. “I don’t want to eat anything, but feel free to use whatever you can find.”

“Are you sure? You have to eat, especially breakfast.”

“I’m sure,” you tell him, bowing your head a little, “but if you’re making any coffee, I’ll take some of that.”

He takes your request and immediately starts searching your cupboards for mugs, hands creeping in and out of china to find the right thing. He eventually manages to find one and gets your coffee for you, completely silent as he does so. It’s not until he passes you the coffee, fresh with milk from your fridge that you’d missed him get, that he speaks.

You weren’t going to sugar coat it – the whole time you were looking at how his arms flexed. You’d never had this experience before, not with someone so hot like _Mr. Yoo_ who was going to drive you absolutely crazy for the next however long.

“My name is Kihyun, by the way,” he tells you. The mug is placed in front of you but you’re focused on the way the corners of _Kihyun_ ’s—what a _pretty name—_ curl up as he looks down to you. “I should have told you that last night but I was a little distracted.”

“I was too,” you tell him. As cliché as it may have been, when you reach for your coffee your hand just brushes his own and you’re left with a shiver running down your spine.

For a second it seems as though Kihyun felt the same, too. He meets your eyes and holds you in his gaze for a moment, only looking away when he realises he’s point blank staring straight to your soul. Not that you’re complaining. This _is_ Yoo Kihyun who’s looking at you and you’re very much attracted to even the thought of him. “I feel like I did things in the complete wrong order with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I met you at a bar and came back here with you and I know every part of your body now,” he says, shrugging as he moves back to where he was cooking. He shakes one of the frying pans he’s using and then turns back to you. “I feel like I should have taken you on a date first. Tell me something. Do you believe in love at first sight?”

“I believe that it’s something that could be true, but I don’t think personally it’s ever happened to me,” you answer him.

Kihyun hums. He turns back to his food and continues with what he needs to do for the moment. He doesn’t look back when he tries to speak to you this time. “I want to get to know you, (y/n).”

“Are you sure?” you ask him, raising a brow. Your question seems to come as a surprise to him, as he looks back to you with a frown. “I mean, all you did was have sex with me, and other stuff… but you know what I mean. You don’t really know anything about me.”

“I want to know more things about you, that’s the point. I want to know you better. What I’m saying is that I want to take you out on a date,” Kihyun says.

It’s not like you want to deny him the opportunity but… relationships aren’t your thing. He should know that, he saw how disinterested you were with that guy last night so he should realise you’re a little less than happy to go on an _actual_ date. You hadn’t been on a real _date_ in years now. Lest it be with a man who’s practically a god walking on earth as a human.

The real surprise—bigger than waking up with Kihyun so natural here in _your_ kitchen—is you _agreeing_ to that date with Kihyun. With a smile on your lips, too. “Alright. I’ll go on a date with you.”

“Good. That’s good,” Kihyun says. You fear that he’s been rejected one too many times for you to reject him, too. Your acceptance brings some warmth to your heart, too. Maybe you’d like to see him around here more often. “You know, I believe in love at first sight too. Even more now that I think it might have happened to me.”

♠♠♠♠

Kihyun had given you an address which _really_ meant nothing to you. He was new to the area—or so he said—so _how_ he had managed to invite you to one of the most possibly confusing places in the entirety of Korea was beyond you.

Google, even _apple maps,_ they were both lost in the quest to show you to where you were supposed to be meeting Kihyun. The address he had given you was barely even a place anymore. Apparently, it was once an old warehouse (which _had_ automatically given you the creeps, what if he was going to kill you?) that was converted into a restaurant by a new owner.

An expensive place, one you’d rather not have had Kihyun take you to for the pure fact it would cost him a lot and you didn’t want to be in debt with him. Sure, if it was another guy you wouldn’t have cared so much because they wouldn’t take you somewhere like _this_ , and because it wasn’t on your conscience if you never saw them again.

When you do finally find where you’re supposed to be, you’re greeted with an interior design like no other. It looks like the entire place is in another country, you’re transported to somewhere completely different. It’s so… _Kihyun-like_. That sounds weirder than you thought, but still, you’re getting flashbacks to Kihyun in that black shirt that made him look like a world leader with a dirty secret.

And he had snapchat. Dear god, if you could be thankful for anything, it would be Kihyun’s snapchats that you’d get in the late hours of the night with his hands stroking a part of him that _you_ would very much like to be stroking. _Amen_.

Kihyun’s midnight snapchats in Armani boxers and that _damn smirk_ was too much for you to handle, to be honest.

“Hello, Miss,” one server says. A lady who’s probably in her thirties, very petite with her hair tied back. She offers a smile as she tilts her head to the side. “Can I take your name?”

You stutter as you _try_ to search for Kihyun behind her. He should be here already, since you’re just a touch late. He knew about that, he’d text you back saying that he’d wait for any amount of time for you and you couldn’t help but feel a little awkward with _that_ text.

“I’m here to meet someone,” you tell her, meeting her eyes as you try to smile awkwardly. She doesn’t react though. Maybe they’re used to people being brought here for expensive dates, or maybe they’re used to Kihyun bringing dates here. “Yoo Kihyun. That’s who I’m here to see.”

She hums and you’re automatically assuming that she does know who Kihyun is. It doesn’t exactly dawn to you that _maybe_ she knows who he is because he would have spoken with her this morning and she would have seen how beautiful he is, so instead you’re thinking about the chance of him being married. He could be, but you never saw a ring. He didn’t exactly strike you as the married type.

The lady does take you, however, through the main dining hall and up a flight of stairs that you hadn’t seen before. It had caught your eye that the area was _VIP_ _only_ , so you knew at that moment that Kihyun’s job title was much higher than you thought it was originally. He must be some kind of chaebol.

He is sitting in the corner of the room though, looking out into the distance that can be seen through the window. Deep thought seems to have enthralled him, you don’t particularly want to disturb him but he must have caught your reflection in the glass.

“(y/n),” Kihyun says with a smile, standing up to greet you and thank the lady who had brought you here. He reaches out for your hand and brings it to his lips, kissing your knuckles in such a soft way. “You look beautiful, even more beautiful than before, if that’s at all possible.”

If you weren’t so sure that a stutter would leave your lips when you tried to reply, you’d have said the exact same thing back. He’s still wearing a black blazer, but with a white shirt instead that is completely exposing the body he has underneath. “Thank you, Kihyun.”

“Please, sit,” he tells you, gesturing to the opposite side of the booth to which he has sat down in.

You do as he says, taking your seat and glancing over the glass of wine he’s already ordered from you. It’s rose, one you’d said to him you liked before. He clearly had been paying attention to what you had to say to him, which you were pleased about. You’re left with a menu, too, but you look up to Kihyun instead and find him looking back at you already.

“I like it when you say my name,” Kihyun says, taking you attention away from his eyes and instead to his lips that are slightly stained with his own red wine. He waits for a moment, eying you carefully. “Tell me more about you, (y/n). I’m interested to know more things about you.”

“Like what?”

“Like anything,” he answers.

Nodding, you take a sip of the wine he’s left for you and swallow harshly. You tell him your birthday, your star sign, where you’re working and other things about you that may have interested him. He sits there and listens to it all, stare intense as he finds out more and more things from you. It takes you a while to finish but he remembers basically everything anyway. You could have told him _so_ much more.

“I’m a Sagittarius,” he tells you, “well, I’m born right between Scorpio and Sagittarius so I have traits of both. Considering your star sign, I think that we’re a good match. Although I didn’t need star sign compatibility to be able to work that out.”

“But you barely know me, Kihyun.”

Kihyun hums at your words but is quick to dismiss them. “I suppose I don’t know you that well, but that’s why I wanted to as you on a date. I told you I believed in love at first sight, and right now I’m just acting upon my impulses I get when I’m around you. Believe me when I tell you that I feel differently about you to other people.”

“So, you get a lot of women who throw themselves at you?” you ask him.

“You could say that. They always ask me to go out with them but I always have to turn them down. You’re the first person since high school that I’ve been on a date with. Actually, you’re the first person I’ve ever asked on a date myself.”

“ _Oh_.”

“Oh indeed,” Kihyun says. He waits for a moment as he picks up on the way you bite down on your bottom lip and look to the table in such a shy manner. He smiles, laughing to himself to catch your attention. “Let’s get to know each other then, so I don’t have to keep passing by until you do fall in love with me.”

♠♠♠♠

“Sorry I didn’t make the place tidier,” Kihyun says, picking up a pillow from his floor and tossing it onto the armchair that’s opposite to his TV. After a few strides he turns around to you and smiles weakly. “I don’t really have many people over, you see. It’s just me here and I don’t care if it’s messy!”

You had been _rather_ surprised that Kihyun brought you here, of all places, for a _date_. One you’d seen coming since you’d been on three dates with him so far and the two of you were definitely hitting it off. More than you thought you would do when he was making you cry out his ‘name’ as he touched you in all the right areas.

Kihyun seemed like quite a private person, so a date in the home he lived in was definitely something that you didn’t expect from him. He seemed like the type to have you as far away from his personal belongings as possible, but then again, he did open up to you quite quickly. He told you about his cousins who lived in Europe and his parents who he liked to visit often to make sure they were okay.

For now, you just shrug at his words and don’t pay attention to the cutlery he’s left on his coffee table, even if you did have OCD about those things. “It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to tidy for me.”

“But I should have, since you’re my guest and… I’m actually trying to impress you. I’m not quite sure if I’m doing a good job of that so far though.”

“You’re definitely impressing me, Kihyun,” you tell him.

Kihyun rolls his eyes at your words—ones that _definitely_ hit his love for compliments and love from other people—and gestures for you to follow him to the kitchen. “Don’t make me fall head over heels any more times for you. Dinner is already cooking, come.”

His apartment is _more_ that nice. Imagine something right in the heart of London or Tokyo and make it less centralised to a major city. It’s basically a pent house that’s on the floor below where a penthouse usually is, and—this is a big _and_ —there are big windows that are completely showing the entirety of his apartment. It’s probably worth more than any of your pay checks could ever cover, further proving your point that Kihyun may be your sugar daddy at one point.

“You like ramyun, right?” he asks. You vaguely remember telling him at some point that _yes_ , you do like ramyun _because who in their right mind does not_ , so you nod at his strange choice for date food. “Good, good. My friend says I’m good at cooking it. He’s, like, obsessed with ramyun and it’s annoying.”

“Is that Minhyuk?” you ask.

Kihyun shakes his head. “No, this is Hoseok. He’s the one who has a nice body and also likes his proteins? But enough about him. Let’s talk about you and I.”

Much to your surprise, the evening goes pretty fast. Kihyun tells you more about his work and in return, you tell him about your life in a greater amount of detail. You find yourself trusting him enough to say what you want to him without having to hold anything back. Everything that’s happened to you over the years, you end up telling him it _all_.

That isn’t what makes time go so quickly for you, though. You spend the majority of your night eying him in that white jumper that you thought was a little too cute for him to wear, and how much cuter he looks with those round rimmed glasses on and piercings in his ear. All he needed was a beanie and… he’d be _even_ more perfect than he already was.

That, and you find yourself getting even closer to Kihyun every time you’re looking up to him. It started at dinner when you were standing with him as he gave you instructions on how to cook _the_ perfect soup, then when you went to look at the view from his window and even now, as you’re sitting with him on the couch. His arm is definitely _all_ the way around your shoulders now.

“Do you like going on dates with me?” Kihyun asks.

You turn to him, eyebrows slightly furrowed. Whilst you wished _not_ to feed his self-love, you also see Kihyun as someone who is a tad insecure. About what, you’re unsure, but his need for reassurance would be more alarming if you didn’t have a look at _how_ many pictures he took of himself. “Of course I do. Why would I still be here if I didn’t actually want to go on dates with you?”

“Because you felt sorry for me. I don’t know.”

“I don’t feel sorry for people, Yoo Kihyun.” You turn back towards his TV and take pride in the smile that begins to form on his lips at your words. He’s said something similar before. “And anyway, you’re too attractive for me to feel sorry for. Girls must be falling at their feet to be with you.”

Kihyun hums. “Yes and no. Most don’t like me after the first date, or after I work out they’re only after me for my money.”

“How do you know I’m not here for your money?”

“Because you’ve been looking at me the whole night, and not my possessions.”

 _Busted._ You can feel your cheeks heating a little as you try to look away from Kihyun. He’s watching you from beside you and you can feel the tips of his fingers brushing your shoulder in the softest of ways. Though you get a flashback to when you two were together before, you try to push in from your mind in order to stay calm beside him.

“Which is good, by the way. I appreciate you looking at me so much, it makes me feel good,” Kihyun says. He looks away from you for a moment to push some hair from his eyes, but meets your gaze after. “I mean, I feel as though you like me for me. But just know that I appreciate you for it.”

“I guess you should know I’m not a gold digger, either. I wouldn’t do that, especially not to _you_.”

“Why me, though?”

“Because you’re different to other guys,” you answer him, honestly.

Kihyun raises a brow. The corner of his lip is twitching and you find how intrigued he is to be rather _cute_. “Good different?”

“Different, as in I want to break my rule of kissing someone on a date.”

“Can I help you break it?” Kihyun asks. You find yourself shyly nodding at his request, eyes flickering down to his lips that he’s been licking all night. They look so soft, and when he kisses you, they are as soft as you imagined them to be. He doesn’t kiss you for long but it’s enough. It’s _more_ than enough for you. He hesitates to pull back from you but you savour the tingling on your lips. “Can you help me break my rule for kissing someone more than once on a date, too?”

♠♠♠♠

Kihyun had told you he was _busy_.

You’d immediately thought not to believe him because Kihyun is almost _never_ actually busy. He always makes himself out to be free for _you_ whenever you need him to be, but today he’s actually got work for whatever reason.

Not that you’re mad. You’re glad Kihyun is having some space from you and the best thing, overall, is that you’re able to do whatever you want without considering things Kihyun doesn’t like – including seafood, confrontations and overly large groups of people. You’re not sure how he got so high in management if he couldn’t deal with groups of people but… you wouldn’t question it.

You’re actually more intrigued by the fact you manage to find Kihyun in your local restaurant of _all_ places. You came here on Thursdays because you liked the Pad Thai they did here, so it was usually quite empty and rather dismal—just enough for you to enjoy yourself without the company of others.

But Kihyun is sitting on a table in the corner with another man. One who’s as equally well dressed and looks just as formal. Apart from the mint blue hair, it looks a little out of place for someone who’s probably in the business field too, but you won’t judge it anyway. You find yourself more intrigued as to what is actually happening between them, since they look to be half serious and half friendly.

You avoid walking any closer to the servers so that they won’t draw attention to you and Kihyun will notice you. It’s not _really_ stalking if you didn’t know he was here, right? Either way, you don’t attempt to catch the attention of a server until Kihyun excuses himself to go to the bathroom and leaves the mint-haired man on his own.

And you request the booth next to theirs, so you’re sat behind Kihyun and he won’t notice you.

 _And_ you walk to the bar just as he sits down so he won’t notice you.

He’s facing away from the bar, thank god. Your plan is _really_ to find out who Kihyun’s meeting here so informally; he claimed he had very few friends so you didn’t expect to see him here, really. You expected him to be at some posh bar with his friends who were just as rich as he was. Not that you checked out his position in his business.

Not that you liked chaebols, either.

“To be honest with you, Kihyun, I’ve not been too keen on the idea of having an equal deal between the two of us. Let’s face it. DTA are much bigger than The Clan and we could easily cut you all down in Gwangju. If we accept a deal, what do you think I’ll be getting from you? Safety? Protection?”

“Power,” Kihyun answers, “you’ll be getting all the men you that we can give when you finally come to fight against Bangtan. What else do you need?”

The man sighs. “I need reassurance.”

You may not have known Kihyun for _that_ long, but you know that he’s frustrated. You can hear it in his voice as he talks with the other man and discusses _whatever_ they came here to talk about. You’d find it _hot_ if you weren’t concerned as to what they’re talking about because you have _definitely_ heard about Bangtan before.

They were on the news before. One of their ‘men’ killed Park Chanyeol, a criminal from one of those Seoul Triads. Not that you kept up with any of that. You avoided it all like wild-fire because nothing was worse than being stuck in the middle of a gang war or something. _Yikes._

“Yoongi, you know that we will do everything we can to make sure you win whatever fights you start,” Kihyun says. You can hear him pick up a drink and then place in down a moment later. “Let me make it clear, we want to help. _I_ want to help. I have people in my life that are important and it’s vital that I make sure they’re okay.”

 _Yoongi_ —as you now know him—hums at Kihyun’s words. You could have worked out that he was _evil_ just from the short look at him you had. “Like that girlfriend of yours?”

Your heart stops for a moment. You immediately look up at the sound of _girlfriend_ but duck your head down when you realise that you’re _meant_ to keep a low profile. Kihyun isn’t answering. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, does he? Unless Yoongi’s talking about… _you_.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Kihyun states, “but don’t bring her into this.”

Another hum from Yoongi, one that’s more sarcastic than you imagined it to be than before. You swallow hard at the possibility of things Kihyun has got himself into. But ignorance is in your mind, and if you can get away with not accepting the _shit_ he’s in, you will. “I won’t bring her into this is you give me what I want.”

♠♠♠♠

“Let me be clear about one thing.” Kihyun looks over to you from where he’s standing beside you and sighs a little, reaching his hand out to your face and brushing his thumb over your cheek. “I’m not _with_ you because I want to have sex with you again. I do actually like you.”

“I know that, Kihyun. That’s not what I meant.”

“But I don’t want you to think that in the future or anything. I want to make that absolutely clear,” he repeats again.

This had stemmed from the fact you brought up what kind of relationship the two of you were in. You believed that the two of you were close—for say—enough to tell each other things, but you weren’t _friends_. You were way past the point of being friends because you’d kissed each other before and you’d definitely enjoyed that way more than you hand with anyone else.

But you didn’t have a title. You and Kihyun weren’t dating, you weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, you were just… you and Kihyun. No relationship that was clear to you or anyone else. It kind of annoyed you because you did _want_ to have some kind of established position between the two of you but, you also didn’t. Relationships weren’t your thing.

“I like you too Kihyun,” you say softly.

Your words seem to hit him in a manner you didn’t expect – he looks over to you with wide eyes and his head slightly cocked to the side. Clearly you’d _got_ him. “ _You_ like _me_?”

“Did you not think that I would?”

“Well, not really,” Kihyun says. He looks back to the water in front of him and pouts his lips. “I thought you’d never liked me back because you were cold as ice when I met you. I didn’t think you’d even want to go on _one_ date with me.”

“Or all the dates after that?”

Kihyun shakes his head. “Or all the dates after that. I feel like this is all a really weird dream.”

You’d accepted a date with Kihyun because you did actually like him, too. Not just for the sex (that he was better than average at) and the fact he paid less attention to you than the others who claimed they were in love with you after two or so weeks. Kihyun was a _good_ person. You didn’t know that much about him, really, but you knew enough now.

Late night calls and texts through the day were becoming too regular. Just last night you’d been on the phone to Kihyun was four am talking about how much you hated the hot weather but also the rain. He’d asked you if you wanted to go out today and you’d of course said yes – there was nothing you could think of that was better than seeing Kihyun for the day.

So he’d taken you to the nearest river that had amusements around it. People selling street food and others selling knick-knacks that he wanted to buy for you, ones you politely declined in fear that he’d end up spending way _more_ money on you than he already had. One night last week you’d complained about your toaster being faulty and the next day there was one at your door with his name on it.

Kihyun was _intense_. Not that you minded. You surprisingly liked it, compared to the others.

“I wanted to go on more dates with you because you’re interesting,” you tell Kihyun. Part of you wants to initiate skinship with him but you opt to not do it. “Believe me, if I had no interest in you then the two of us would not be here together. I would have tossed you out on the first date.”

Kihyun nods. He seems to be in some thought about what you’re saying but waits before saying anything. He takes a moment to look over your features and appreciate them from where he’s stood. “It seems everyone around here has an interest in you, though. I’m lucky to have a chance with you, really.”

To you, this seems hyperbolic. Kihyun is by no means _ugly_ or even in the slightest someone who should put girls off when he met them. You’d caught on to the fact that Kihyun was a little cold towards other people but he wasn’t _that_ cold. Probably as cold as you were. That was a little strange, how you were both changing for each other. The worst thing would be if you broke each other.

“You’ve set unrealistically high standards for any guy after you now, though. I don’t think that any of guy will be as good to me as you are.”

“What if there wasn’t a guy after me?” Kihyun asks you. He realises what he’s said afterwards and stutters to correct himself when he sees your wide eyes that are surprised at his _marriage like_ suggestion. “I mean, _fuck_ … do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Kihyun’s eyes are just as wide as yours and slightly glassy. He seems to have stopped breathing for the moment in order to hear your exact response, one you’re delaying as you think of the _worst_ that could happen to you as his girlfriend. The worst, you theorise, is that you’ll end up falling in love.

“Yes,” you answer him.

“Yes?”

“Of course I’m going to say yes to being your girlfriend!” you scold him, taking a step back. “Why would I say no to _you_?”

Kihyun laughs at your outburst, immediately placing his hand over your own so he can pull you back to him. With his arms around your shoulders so you’re snuggled into his coat, he presses a short but sweet kiss to the corner of your lips and smiles again to himself. “You’re my girlfriend. You’re mine forever.”

“Not your wife though,” you remind him. Forever was a long time.

“If I get the chance to marry you, I will.”

Kihyun marrying you wasn’t the worst thing. You’d have panicked if someone else said that to you but when he said it, you felt calm. Like there weren’t any problems you had be worry about. You could trust Kihyun – he’s too much like you for you not to be able to trust him in any way. Kihyun is your _boyfriend._

♠♠♠♠

“Just wear mine,” Kihyun says. He’s referring to a shirt for you to wear to sleep in and before you can tell him _okay_ , he’s throwing a plain black tee in your direction. “I mean, I would prefer you to wear nothing but I can’t expect that of you. So my clothes will have to do. But _just_ my shirt.”

After much debating over text, and over the phone whilst Kihyun was supposedly avoiding a business meeting with the clients he hated the most, you had decided you would spend the night with Kihyun at _his_ apartment. You’d been there before but now you were his girlfriend and things were a bit… different. You were much more comfortable and you didn’t feel the need to ask Kihyun to pee.

But you still were in awe at everything your _boyfriend_ had in his possession. If you hadn’t seen his business cards you may have believed he was doing something illegal in the black market, since you weren’t exactly sure how high up in the world you needed to be to have so many vintage paintings, but you assumed it was pretty high.

“But what if someone looks in?” you question, referring to the windows that are very see-through, and expose everything that Kihyun has in his apartment. You’re sure anyone would be able to make an inventory of how much everything was worth that he owned if they were in a building opposite.

“Then they get jealous that I have _the_ most beautiful girlfriend in the world,” Kihyun answers. You have to refrain from glaring at him as he turns back to you and cocks his head to the side. “Why are you so shy all of a sudden?”

“I’m not shy.”

Kihyun scoffs. He reaches his hand out to you so he can pull you back towards him, body only clad in your underwear that he’d been trying to pry off of you earlier. Once you’re in his arms, chest pressed against his own, he pressed one kiss to your hair line. “Find whatever you want in my drawers and wear it. If not then order some things to be delivered here and I’ll keep them here for when you’re over. Although I hope you’ll be here often, so maybe you should move all your things in now.”

You would have said yes if you’d been together longer than a week. Well, been his _girlfriend_ for a week. You did think that Kihyun liked to take things quite quickly and if you weren’t so concerned by _how_ quickly things moved on for him, you’d have told him yes without thinking. If you weren’t _you_ then yes would have been your answer too. This is about as far as you’d gone with a guy minus _sex_.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Kihyun says. He’s noticed your hesitation, too.

“No, it’s not that I don’t want to,” you tell him, swallowing your pride as you realise that Kihyun appreciates your honesty _quite_ a lot. “You don’t have to buy me things, Kihyun. Stop offering me your money.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow at you. “I’d rather you use my money than yours to buy things. I have money buy no one to spend it on. Let me at least spend it on you to make me a little less conceited.”

He wasn’t _really_ your sugar daddy. He was in a sense that Kihyun basically paid for everything you wanted but you didn’t ask him to. You even tried to tell him not to but he insisted every time. You’d learnt to just deal with it for now, in the hopes one day you could repay him for everything in your own ways.

But lucky it’s past ten and you’re going to bed, so Kihyun can’t argue with you about the issue. He has to get up early tomorrow morning and really, you’re looking forward to cuddling with him for the few hours. You follow him quite quickly into the bed, creeping into his arms as he lays down on the right side of the bed. You’d always wondered why he was so keen on sleeping the side of the bed closest to the door.

You also appreciate how quiet it is here, now Kihyun is breathing softly and you’re curled up beside him with your head on his shoulder and hand on his chest. He’s _great_ to cuddle with, even if you hated cuddling anyone before him that you’d considered your _boyfriend_. Kihyun is great overall, you couldn’t put him down for that.

“I’m so glad that I met you, you know?” Kihyun states. You know that he’s looking down at you but you keep your eyes shut and instead answer him with a smile. “All of my friends tell me that I’m too selfish to get a girlfriend. They tell me that I’m in love with _myself_ but… when I look at you I get this completely new feeling that’s hard to describe.”

You hum, moving your hand across his chest as a sign that you’re listening. “I don’t think you’re selfish. You’re one of the least selfish people I know.”

“To you, maybe.” Kihyun’s words are slightly delayed and you believe that it’s because there’s something going on that you don’t know about. Instead of Kihyun replying like he usually does, with a voice full of humour and comedy, he just breathes for the moment. It’s almost relaxing, because his breaths are even and timed. “You’re the first person, beside myself, that I’ve wanted to take care of.”

“And you’re the first ever boyfriend I’ve actually liked, Kihyun. That doesn’t make me a heartless, cold bitch, does it?”

You would have liked to have heard Kihyun’s reply, but you never get the chance to. Instead Kihyun is distracted by what sounds like some kind of _shot_ outside, one that certainly catches your attention too. It’s nearby, so nearby that Kihyun’s immediate reaction is to jump over you and make sure that if the _shot_ was to come into the apartment, _he_ would be the one who’s hit.

How can he possibly call himself _selfish_ when he’s making sure you won’t die if something was to happen?

“Kihyun,” you whisper softly, trying to meet his eyes in the darkness he’s created between the two of you. His breathing is much heavier now. “Kihyun, it’s okay.”

He picks himself up a little, just so he can meet your eyes. He’s looking down at you with concern, and when he realises that you’re very much _okay_ he breathes a sigh of relief and moves himself away from you. “I’m sorry… I just…”

“You wanted to make sure I was okay?”

“I wanted to protect you,” Kihyun admits. There’s a bead of sweat on his forehead and he wipes it away as he sits up beside you. “I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me.”

You frown at his words, confused as to what he means. “Why would I get hurt because of you?”

He doesn’t answer you. You’re not sure if you’ll ever get an answer from him that’s straight, but you do enjoy your sleep in his arms that night. When you’re with him you do feel protected from harm, like nothing can hurt you at all. So you’ll give him that, even if you do want him to be straight with you. Kihyun has the cutest sleeping face you may have ever seen.

♠♠♠♠

_Yoo Kihyun, if you don’t stop texting me then I’ll get hit by a car! Do you want that to happen to me?_

Your text is sent with a little hope that you’d stop having your phone vibrate in your pocket as you walked home. Not that you didn’t want to talk to Kihyun or anything – your main concern was that someone would see you with an expensive phone and try to pickpocket you later on and you wouldn’t be able to contact him at all.

Kihyun seemed to want to talk to you all the time, though. Since you’d left his place a matter of _twenty minutes ago,_ he’d been constantly sending you messages about how he can’t wait to see you again and anything else remotely cute you could think of.

Though you do feel your phone vibrating again in your pocket, you opt to ignore it since you _are_ about to cross the road and you don’t want to be concentrating on whatever Kihyun had to say. It was probably something along the lines of _okay, I’ll call you later to check you’re okay_ anyway.

You do, however, notice that someone is looking at you from the other side of the road. They’re waiting to cross the road—or so it seems—so you don’t know whether you’re meant to be noticing them or not. You smile politely when you meet their eyes and then look back down to the ground to avoid any further interaction. Maybe a few months ago you’d have initiated more but…

Kihyun had changed you. You’d never been so _tame_ in a relationship, not to the point where one guy is on your mind constantly and you’re thinking about him whenever you think of anything cute. It is strange for you to see a future with him for the moment. Perhaps you and Kihyun, who claims to have never felt the same way about anyone other than _you_ , are made for each other.

“(y/n)?” a male voice calls. You’d been so engrossed in the thought of Kihyun that you’d not been paying to what’s happening around you. It’s the person from across the road that’s calling for you, except now he’s walking towards you. When you meet his eyes, he glowers at you and reaches his hand out to grab your arm and pull you with him. “Don’t think about screaming. The only reason I’m keeping you alive is Kihyun.”

This isn’t the man you saw Kihyun with before. This man is taller and he has silver hair. He doesn’t even sound Korean, you think he may be Chinese but you can’t tell at first glance. He’s _a lot_ taller than Kihyun. This man is around six feet, and he’s not wearing shoes that make him look any taller than he actually is.

His suit and expensive coat makes you think that _maybe_ this is someone in a rivalling business. Kihyun hadn’t been very public with you though, so that wouldn’t exactly make sense. Who in their right mind would come after their rival’s girlfriend? Actually…

“How do you know Kihyun?” you ask. It’s the only thing you can find in your mind to ask.

“Kihyun is an… acquaintance of mine.”

You nod, trying to look up to the person you’re walking along with. You’ve definitely never seen him before, not even on your google searches of Kihyun. But oddly he did look familiar. You’d seen his face before, it was rather distinct and sharp looking. “I’m sorry but I don’t know who you are.”

“That’s okay, I think it’s better than you don’t,” he says. He pulls you with him again, heading back towards the direction you’d come from. The fear in you makes you unable to pull back from him. “I’m here with you today in the hopes that you’ll pass on a message for me. Do you think you’ll be able to do that, (y/n)?”

“What message?”

“Is that a yes? Because this is an important message that Kihyun needs to here. I don’t need an incompetent girlfriend to ruin all of my plans for the future, you see. If you don’t pass on this message then Kihyun will face the consequences.”

You can feel in your heart that you’re worried for what could happen to Kihyun. You hope that this is some kind of joke from one of his friends he speaks so highly of. “I can pass it on.”

“Good. You’re a good girl. I see why Kihyun likes you.”

The man’s personality shakes you down to the bone. You don’t particularly want to be here with him but you _are_ , listening to his threats towards Kihyun and letting him look at you like you’re a cupcake at a bakery that’s rated five stars. You want to run away but if you do that, you’ll cause Kihyun problems. This guy knows you’re his girlfriend, after all.

“I need you to tell Kihyun, that the deal is over now,” he says to you. There’s such a sinister tone in his voice as he stops and turns to you. You’re sure your heart stops for a moment but you pay no attention to it. You need to remember his face. His silver hair that falls over his dark skin. The tattoo of a cross behind his ear. “He and all his _friends_ need to stop now. Or I’ll come for them. _DìSì_ will come for them.”

That’s definitely Chinese. Fourth… that’s what he said. Your secondary school Chinese came in handy for the first time in seven years and now you’re sitting here worried for what this can do to you. Your heart is racing, even more so when he brings his hand to your head and pushes some hair back from your eyes. “Understood?”

“I’ll tell him,” you answer, taking a step back from the man to create some distance. He’s looking at you just as carefully, getting a good view of you too. “Anything else?”

“When you’re done playing with Kihyun, come and find me. I’m sure we’d get on very well together.”

You wouldn’t do it anyway, but watching the man walk away puts you at ease. You hope never to see him again; you don’t even want to bring this up with Kihyun in the hopes of forgetting everything what just happened. You’ll need to shower a few times to get the feeling of his hands off of you.

 _DìSì_ keeps running through your head though.

♠♠♠♠

“Kihyun?” you call, hearing a door open somewhere. You find yourself hiding behind a wall that blocks you from the outside world in case anyone else is there. The lack of an answer makes you question who is with you.

A peek around the corner shows you that the hallway is empty, and anyone who’s here with you has gone past the point of just entering. Your mind goes back to that man from before and you’re left with a cold feeling running through your veins. What if he’s coming back for you? You didn’t even want to bring it up with Kihyun but now it seemed that you wouldn’t need to.

You’re reaching for your phone in your back pocket when you feel a hand on your shoulder. Though it makes you jump at first, you’re met with Kihyun’s concerned eyes and pouted lips when you turn to see who it is. You’re _so_ frightened by the thought of _DìSì_ that the first thing you do is throw yourself into Kihyun’s arms and bury your face in his chest.

He brings a hand to your back and soothes you gently, trying to calm you down a little. “Baby, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“You scared me, Kihyun!” you tell him, pulling away with a frown and looking up to him with a harsh stare. He seems a little lost, to be honest. “I called your name and you didn’t answer! Who do you think you are?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and presses his lips to the tip of your nose. He waits for a moment and then kisses your lips sweetly. “I’m sorry I scared you, I won’t do it again. Is there anything I can do to prove how sorry I am?”

“Stay with me until my heart rate is normal,” you answer.

To be fair to him, he sticks by his word. The two of you end up on his bed, your head on his chest as you watched videos on his Instagram together. It was nice, just until you brought up his work and the people who he meets up with, and suddenly Kihyun is as cold as a white walker and he’s ready to rip off your head just for mentioning it.

You’re sure it’s because it’s unexpected, but you want a straight answer from him. Kihyun seems to be avoiding saying anything to you that could explain why _DìSì_ were sending messages to him through you, as is he avoiding saying anything about that guy—Yoongi—that he was with before.

“Who?” Kihyun says. His demeanour seems to change for a moment and he sits up higher on the bed, like your words actually mean something to him now. “Who told you that they’ll come for me?”

“I don’t know. Some tall guy that looked like he came from Seoul. He said _DìSì_ will come for you and that I should—he was just weird! I didn’t think much of it because you’ve never mentioned it before, Kihyun.”

“They could have hurt you or anything? Why would you stop to talk to them so leisurely? Are you stupid?”

You scoff at Kihyun’s words. “Stupid? They approached me when I was walking him, I would have walked away but he took my arm and _made_ me talk to him. Kihyun, you seem to think I have some clue as to what’s going on here, but I have _no_ idea whatsoever!”

“What exactly did he say to you?” Kihyun asks.

“The deal is over now,” you recall. Your fear seemed to have peaked just enough for you to focus on wat he was saying. Thank god weapon focus didn’t come into play. “You and all your _friends_ need to stop now. Or he’ll come for you. _DìSì_ will come for you. I thought he was some guy you were on weird terms with. Don’t get mad at me for it!”

Kihyun is silent. He’s looking at you with a blank expression and is obviously thinking through something. He has _that_ look in his eye that tells you he’s working on a problem. A look you’ve seen a few times now. “He had silver hair and a tattoo of a cross behind his ear?”

You nod.

“And he found you on the street?”

“I was almost at home,” you answer.

“Would it be too much for me to ask you to stay here for a few days?” Kihyun asks.

You can see it in his eyes that he’s worried about something. Before you would have told him to fuck off, if this was anyone else you’d have told them to _shut up_ , but this is Kihyun. You _trust_ Kihyun. More than anyone else you’ve ever had in your life at that. “If that’s what you think I need to do.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Kihyun says, “I’m going to try and sort this out, but it’s better if you just stay here and keep a low profile until I do sort out this _thing_.”

“Is it some rival to your business?” you ask him.

You think for a second that Kihyun pities your innocence in the situation. You realised before that there’s more to the situation that he’s giving on to, but you don’t know how to ask. Unless he’s honest; but he’s still a danger to your life.

“Yeah. To my business.”

♠♠♠♠

_Min Yoongi, born 9 th March 1993 in Daegu. _

_Current leader of Daegu based triad DTA, alongside Jung Hoseok._

You’d been searching google for what seemed like a year now. You’d seen Kihyun with Yoongi again when you _broke free_ of the prison he’d kept you in for the past week or so, craving a social life with someone other than your boyfriend.

When you did manage to pick his lock, you’d walked to one of the coffee shops you knew in the area, and you’d found Kihyun sitting inside as if it was _fate_ for you to find him in there. You’d recognised that guy he was with and you’d immediately known _something_ was off. There was something going on between everyone Kihyun was involved with.

And as you see now, it’s a _fucking gang._

You couldn’t find anything about his involvement in gangs, triads, whatever. Kihyun was basically invisible but not everything about him was. You could see the names of people he’s mentioned before starting to creep up. _Bangtan. DTA. The Clan._

The Clan who had members known as Wonho and Minhyuk. Two people he had specifically mentioned when he was with you. It’s more than likely possible that Kihyun is tied in with them all and you’re left in the dark to be found by his rivals that fall under the name of…

 _DìSì._ Fourth Triad. Leader is Wu Yifan and he looks a hell of a lot like that guy who’d given that message for you to pass on to Kihyun.

Your heart is starting to beat a little quicker than before. Should you run? Will Kihyun come after you? Is it even worth _trying_ to run from Kihyun?

He kept you here this past week to make sure you were free from harm and you’re fine, right? That time before when he jumped over you, the only thought on his mind was that he needed to keep you safe. Kihyun had feelings for you that he couldn’t explain fully but he knew that he needed you in his life now that you were here and you felt like leaving him was _too_ extreme.

But he still didn’t tell you any of this.

It’s stupid to leave him. It’s stupid to not return his calls and run to the nearest shelter you can, but it’s your means of escape. Kihyun didn’t have to lie. He could have just been straight with you. You wouldn’t have told the police because that would be completely stupid! Why would you grass him up? You’re not a snake of any kind…

You’re just the girl he slept with after meeting in a bar.

Even if he did love you. Even if he could convince you that he didn’t tell you what he was up to because he loved you, or because he wanted to _protect_ you, it’s still a lie. One that’s hidden behind a business that probably exists. You’re sure you’ve even said it to him. You wanted him to just be straight about things and when one of the biggest—no, _the_ biggest—triad leaders is on your ass about Kihyun’s deals he just tells you it’s about his business?

You’re naïve and stupid. You should have just realised before.

Happiness like this is too easy to come across. You’re lucky you picked that lock earlier because if you wouldn’t have, it would have been your calling card not to walk out of here. Not to just leave Kihyun without a second thought. If he’d have been here to stop you, maybe you’d have stopped. You walk away though and don’t look back, even if your phone is buzzing in your pocket.

**_Kihyun is calling…_ **

**_Kihyun is calling…_ **

**_2 missed calls from Kihyun_ **

**_1 new message from Kihyun_ **

_I didn’t mean to call twice because you’re probably in the shower or something. I probably shouldn’t think about that now or I won’t be able to sit still when I get home… but I have something for you. I’m sorry my meeting took longer than I thought but I’ll be home in ten. I miss you baby. I’ll see you soon, my love._

♠♠♠♠

“Yoo Kihyun.”

The hall seems to fall silent, all eyes moving to you as a group of men to the left and right of where your _boyfriend_ was sat pull out their guns to point straight at you. Does he look up to you? Of course he does. He stands up the second his eyes land on you and realised you’re _okay_. But you don’t move towards him, you stand still with the most menacing of stares directed at him.

“ _Yoo Kihyun_ ,” you say again, walking forward until you’re just a metre from the table he’s at. He’s directly opposite to you. His lips are gapped and he’s unsure of what to say to you. “Was it fun, lying to me?”

His entire expression falls. He knows what you’re referring to, but he’s going to deny it at all costs. “Are you okay? I’ve been so worried—”

“Worried? You’ve been worried about _me_? Of course you would be, you’re the reason that half the bloody mafia in Asia are after me!”

The men around him are known as The Clan. Kihyun isn’t even their leader, he’s one of the people who do deals for them and he tells them the best way to make money and keep their relevance in the world. The one with the blond and blue hair is Hoseok, the one with the silver hair is Jooheon. You know the other names of people but you can’t put their name to a face because the people you met in bars couldn’t tell you everything. They just told you to _watch out_ for people associated with The Clan.

Here you were, dating one of the most prevalent members of that very group.

“You didn’t think to tell me that Wu _fucking_ Yifan came after me?” you question, moving towards the table again. The two at the end, one who looks a little younger than the others and another thin looking boy, stand up and prepare to hold you back. “Am I _that_ expendable that you wanted me to not know the truth about who you are and what you do? What, are you worried that I’ll tell someone? That I’ll turn you over to the police?”

Kihyun doesn’t speak. He’s staring at you with that _thinking face_ again, and it’s starting to piss you off. Luckily one of the others steps in, a muscular guy who has a calm speaking voice. “(y/n), I understand that you’re angry and I apologise if you’re hurt by things that have been said or have happened to you, but it was me who told Kihyun not to tell you about… _this_.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t know who you are,” you answer him. He must be the leader, so that means he’s Shownu—also known as Hyunwoo. He stays on your mind for a moment before you turn back to Kihyun with anger still fresh in your veins. “Kihyun, are you not going to say anything? Aren’t you going to tell me why you lied to me about all of this? Whether he told you not to tell me what you were actually involved in, you could have told me that at least Wu Yifan was looking to skin my ass!”

“I wanted to protect you!”

You scoff at Kihyun’s words. “Protect me? From what? Creating ignorance protects you from the truth, nothing else! You kept me locked up at yours to make sure he couldn’t touch me and I _appreciate_ that, but surely it would have been better if you just told me he has the potential to kill me, no? Then I could have protected myself!”

“You _know_ that I don’t want anything to happen to you. I told you that myself,” Kihyun says. He moves around from the other side of the table, despite the protests that the red-headed boy to his right has for him, and makes his way towards you. He stops a foot from you, nervous to touch you. “Baby, listen. I did lie to you and I admit that. But I would do it again if I had to. Anything could have happened to you and if I was the reason you were hurt, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“And you think I couldn’t protect myself?

“I think I would do a much better job at protecting you than anyone else. You don’t know what these men are like and what they will do to girls like you!”

“But aren’t you just one of those men?” you ask. There’s a blank look in Kihyun’s eyes at your words. “You’re in a triad. You’re just the same as Wu Yifan and Min Yoongi. You, Yoo Kihyun, are one of the people I need to be protected from. If they could hurt me then so could you. Is that not what you’re saying to me?”

Kihyun shakes his head. “No, no, you know I wouldn’t ever hurt you.”

“Do you know what Yifan said to me after he sent a message to you _through_ me? He said that when I’m done playing with you, I should go and find him. He’s sure we’ll get on very well together. Do you think that’s true?”

“He’s playing with you, he doesn’t care about you.”

“I know he doesn’t care about me,” you tell Kihyun. You take a step back from him but Kihyun follows. He wants to make sure you believe him but you’re far from it. “Have you said something like that to other people, Yoo Kihyun? Have you found innocent girls to send messages through and told them that the two of you would get along very well, even if you don’t care about them _at all_?”

Silence. Kihyun doesn’t move; none of his friends move. They all know what you’re saying is right, Kihyun is no different to the people he so desperately wants to keep you away from.

“I’m having a hard time believing that you even care about me right now.”

“Do you think I lied when I said I would do anything for you?” Kihyun says. He doesn’t move as you take a step back but you can see he’s desperate. He’s grasping at the air around him in the hopes of keeping you with him. “I never lied to you about how I felt for you. If you could understand anything, understand that. I would give my life for you if I had to.”

You laugh, stinging in the corner of your eyes at this claim. “You think that’s funny? You’ve known me a matter of months! It’s impossible for you to have that strong feelings for me!”

“But I _do_ ,” Kihyun tells you. His words aren’t forced at all. You feel almost bad that you’re doing this but he contradicts himself so much. He’s just like Yifan. Like Yoongi who kills people for a living. He’s not Yoo Kihyun that was all good in your eyes. “Please, you know that I wouldn’t lie to you about this. (y/n), please. _Please_.”

You’re silent for a moment. Everyone is looking at you. You can’t back down. “Don’t try to look for me, because I can’t trust you after this, Yoo Kihyun.”

♠♠♠♠

You can still hear the begging that left Kihyun’s lips before you walked away from him. How he asked you to say with him and how you were completely misinterpreting what was going on with him and his involvement in The Clan and other triads here. You’d walked away without looking back, because if you did look back you might not have been able to just _leave_.

But today you’re distracted by a knocking at your door. One that’s persistent, accompanied by begs of your name from the one person you didn’t need to beg for your attention. You’d give it to him without question but you wanted to stand your ground for the sake of your own pride. If you walked out there and told Kihyun that you forgave him for everything, was it really worth it?

“(y/n), I know you’re in there!” Kihyun says. You’re sitting at the door so you can hear his voice but he can’t see you. He probably doesn’t even know if you can hear him but it’s strangely soothing to hear his voice. “Don’t ignore me. Please. I need you.”

It’s hyperbolic and you know it. Like everyone else. He doesn’t _need_ you like he says he does, because no one person really needs someone. You know that just as well as the next guy. How many people have come to you and told you that they needed you when really they don’t? All of the guys you’ve known for about two weeks max.

“Please don’t leave me. _Please_. I know that you don’t believe a word of what I have to say but you need to know that I’m not lying about how I feel for you. I do like you. I _love_ you, even. Every day I’ve been apart from you I’ve been thinking about you and how it felt to have you in my arms and how much I liked when I was kissing you and… dear god, (y/n), I have never wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone else before. When I look at you, I see my future wife. I would drop _anything_ for you.

“Is that what you want, though? Do you want me to leave The Clan, because I will. I’ll never go back if that will prove to you that I want to be with you. Believe me, (y/n). You and I are meant to be. I know you don’t believe me because you don’t believe anyone who yells you stuff like this but I _do_ care about you. I’m not like Yifan. I’ve told people before, innocent people, to pass on messages and I admit that. I’ve done things I’m not proud of but I can’t change that. I hate myself for it. I hate myself more for only hating the fact I hurt people because it hurts you.

“But let me set one thing straight. I can’t live without you. I’ve barely been sleeping because I don’t know if you’re okay. I won’t live with myself if you’re hurt, and you can bet your ass I will be looking out for anyone who could have touched you. Innocent or not. DTA or Fourth Triad, I will hunt them down until I know you’re okay. Please. _Please_. I just want to know you’re okay.”

He goes silent for a moment, but you can hear him sniffle on the other side of the door. A peak out of the window on your door would show you that he’s crying. Narcissistic, cold and ruthless Kihyun is crying over you and you’re still going to reject him. Because you’re narcissistic, and you’re cold and you’re more ruthless than other people. You and Kihyun are the same, really.

“I really do need you, baby,” he says softly. It’s just loud enough to touch your soul. Giving in to him isn’t on your agenda. “I can’t live without you. This hurts so much. Being without you is making me feel worse and worse every day. Please just… come back to me. Think about everything, come back to me and tell me what you want me to do to prove that I want to be with you. Anything. I’ll do anything for you to love me back.”

♠♠♠♠

“She’s quite pretty, actually. I thought Kihyun would pick someone who was a little less attractive so they’d get desperate after a while.”

“And she’s not his type, really. It’s strange, don’t you think? Kihyun proclaims his love for her but she wants—”

The voices stop when you open your eyes, looking up in front of you and blinking to try and bring your focus back to the real world. Your ears are ringing and you can’t remember where you were last but you were doing something on your own and… someone put their hand over your mouth and dragged you into a van. Someone whose voice sounded very familiar now that you were here.

“(y/n)?” the person who had done this to you was that silver haired boy who was part of The Clan. You look up to him, his face rather soft as he crouches down beside you and cocks his head to the side. “Are you feeling okay?”

You almost laugh at his words. “Do I feel okay? You just kidnapped me! I know your name Lee Jooheon, I can tell the police about—”

“Kihyun can’t stop us from killing you if you out us to the police.”

The other voice, one you haven’t heard very much, shuts your mouth completely. You could tell he commanded people and like to place his authority in everything. It’s not Hyunwoo and it’s not Minhyuk, you know that. So that means it must be either Changkyun, Hoseok or Hyungwon. The latter you hadn’t heard much and you had a suspicion that it was him.

“Jooheon is just trying to be nice,” he says. When he steps in front of you, you’re met with the face of a tall, rather thin boy who made a shiver run down your spine. “We didn’t want to do this, but… Kihyun, quite simply, is a mess. He looks like he’s the broken shadow of a man that once was, and do you know why? Because he’s spending every waking minute whining about you and complaining about how much he wants you back.”

“So he told you to kidnap me? Make me pity him and accept him again?” you ask.

He rolls his eyes. “Don’t be pathetic. If Kihyun knew I dared to touch you or put you in the hands of danger whatsoever, he’d have me lynched in public and blame all of his crimes on _me_. Kihyun doesn’t want your pity. He just wants you to love him.”

“And?”

“And you’re going to take him back.” Jooheon stands up again and sighs softly, turning away from you when he meets your eyes. He clearly doesn’t want to be a part of his peers’ plans. “I don’t care if you’re mad at him for lying. You’re going to take him back or so help me _god_ I will stick a knife through your neck and you’ll never breathe this air again.”

“Hyungwon, that’s too far.”

He scoffs, turning to Jooheon with a frown. You’d never assumed Chae Hyungwon, hacker for The Clan would be the one threatening you right now. “Do you want to die because of how Kihyun’s acting right now?”

“Do you want to die because I tell Kihyun how you’re treating me right now?” you retort, catching both of the boys’ attention. They look to you with expressionless faces, but you can tell Jooheon sees your words as a threat – Hyungwon may too. “What is it, Hyungwon? Did hacking things in Korea become too mundane for you that you wanted to kidnap me and prove you were just as good as Hoseok is? Or Hyunwoo?”

“I’m doing this so that my group doesn’t _die_.”

“And I don’t want to die either! If any of you listened to my point of view, I don’t want to die because of this triad war that’s going on! I hear about it on the news and I’m scared shitless. Fourth Triad are trying to murder everyone and Unnamed are practically falling apart all because of Bangtan. Kihyun has a deal with DTA and I, for one, do not want to be a part of this when they go back on their word and kill everyone Kihyun has close to him!”

Jooheon places a hand on Hyungwon’s shoulder, pulling him back. Maybe one of them has listened to what you have to say for _once._ “You know this was a mistake, Hyungwon.”

“Do you not have any true feelings towards Kihyun?” Hyungwon asks.

“Of course I do.”

“Then why won’t you just accept what he does and move on with it!”

You shake your head. Your hands may be bound now, but if you ever get the chance to hit this boy you will. Once for you and once for playing with Kihyun’s feelings. “Because it’s better for us both if we don’t act like we know each other. In a perfect world, the two of us would be together but… how many times do we actually get the perfect world we always wanted. How many times have you fallen in love with someone you can’t have?”

“My personal life has nothing to do with this.”

“It does!” you argue with him for no reason. You know this will end with you in the wrong, but if Jooheon at least could see where you were coming from then things might be easier. “Kihyun doesn’t want anything to happen to me. Nothing will if I’m not with him. Wu Yifan found me in the street and I wasn’t expecting it, think about how easy it will be for anyone else to kill me! It’s better off if we’re not together, and if you’ve ever liked anyone you’ll understand why.”

“Kihyun isn’t the same without you.”

A sigh falls from your lips. Your back is starting to ache from the chair you’re stuck to and it leaves you with a moment to understand what kind of pain Kihyun might be going through, too. “Do you not think it kills me every morning to wake up and know that Kihyun could die because of who he’s friends with? I may never speak to him again and that ruins me, but I know what has a better outcome. He says he’ll die for me, but I don’t want him to die for me. Kihyun doesn’t deserve a life lie that.”

“So you’ll never be with him again?” Jooheon asks.

“Never is a word that I wouldn’t like to use,” you state. Hyungwon is quiet. Jooheon looks sad. “Kihyun is worth more to me than someone I can be scared into being with. I won’t go back to him because I don’t want to die. I’ll go back to him when I’m sure that he won’t die because of me.”

♠♠♠♠

You find yourself at the train station on possibly _the_ coldest morning to every occur. You pull your scarf tighter around your neck and hug your coat to your chest to try and gain some warmth from the clothes, but it doesn’t work. It’s too cold to save yourself, and it seems as though your train is delayed by ten minutes due to some problems from the weather last night. 

Right now you’ve got a sonnet running through your mind by Shakespeare.  _How like a winter hath my absence been, from thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year! What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen! What old December’s bareness everywhere!_

Your routine of working and then sleeping was starting to take its toll on you. You had too much free time to think about things. To realise that no matter what you did, no matter how many guys you tried to talk to or how many bars you visited, you were always left alone at the end of the night because of Yoo Kihyun.

The thought of him persisted. The taste of him was always on your lips. The sound of his laughter was following you around when you were in the darkest of hours. All you could ever think about was Kihyun and what he did to you, how he made you feel and the feeling you that wrecked your body when you were with him.

But you couldn’t get back in contact with him. You deleted his number and had the promise of death if you ever returned to where The Clan were based.

Somewhere in your heart you hoped that Kihyun would still want you. That he’d come back and he’d tell you again that he needed you, just so you could tell him you’d be with him and everything would be okay. That’s what you wanted, that’s what you needed. Kihyun was the one missing from your life and you couldn’t do anything about that.

Your train comes before you get too cold to stand there any longer, and you leave your hometown in the hopes that later on today you won’t be thinking about Kihyun. It’s a long shot, to have him completely off your mind, but when you turn up your headphones and shut your eyes, you’re left thinking of nothing.

The nothingness that’s in your life now that Kihyun’s not here. The nothingness that surrounds you each night when you hold your pillow closer to your chest dreaming of Kihyun holding you. The nothingness that you wish to get rid of forever more.

And when you open your eyes, the first sight you’re greeted with is _Kihyun_.

“Hi,” he says. You didn’t hear his voice because you had your headphones blocking out any other sound, but when you see his lips move you pull them off in the hopes he’ll speak again. You even pinch your leg to check you’re not dreaming. “Can I sit?”

You nod, pursing your lips to stop a smile forming. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. Are you?” Kihyun returns.

“I’m okay, thank you.”

Kihyun nods. He looks away from you for a moment, just so the ends of his hair fall over his face and his eyes are covered. You resist pushing them back from his eyes and keep your fingertips dug into your leg. “I can go, if you want me to.”

“No, I want you to stay,” you tell him. Your words have a tone that Kihyun recognises as happiness, and you can see his checks start to turn a little pink. “I’ve always wanted you to stay, Kihyun.”

“Even though I lied to you?”

You nod. “I just wanted you to tell me so I could help. We both said we were going to be honest and then you kept possibly the biggest secret anyone every could keep from another person. I just wanted to know.”

“I know that now. I do. I should have told you, and even though in my mind, it was so much better _not_ to tell you, I know why it would have been better to be honest,” Kihyun says. He swallows hard, eyes landing on your hand that he’s dying to hold. “Hyungwon told me what he did. I’m sorry if they scared you. I swear I could have killed him when I found out they kidnapped you and tried to force you to get back with me. I told them that you had the right to not be with me if you didn’t but they told me that it was better if we were together and… I don’t disagree, but that’s your decision. I can’t force you to change that.”

“It’s not your fault that they wanted you and I to get back together. Hyungwon was worried that something would happen because you were off your game. I get it. We all do shitty things when we’re scared. I pushed you away from me, even if I worked out a few days later that I loved you.”

Kihyun’s eyes are wide. He takes your words with caution and questions you more. “You love me?”

“I think you may be the very first person I’ve ever fallen in love with, Yoo Kihyun,” you state. Your own cheeks are beginning to heat up but you push it aside in the hopes that you can finish what you want to say without stuttering. That plan doesn’t last very long. “I wanted to make sure nothing happened to you, so I figured you be less hurt if I wasn’t with you because your _rivals_ wouldn’t be after me. That plan didn’t really work, though.”

“We both need to stop playing heroes to each other, huh?”

“If we love each other, we should just be with each other.”

“Even if it kills us both in the end.”

Kihyun’s smile is enough to bring you to your knees. You find yourself reaching your hand forward to place over his own, too shy to get any closer to him in fear that he’ll pull away and leave you on your own, but he doesn’t. He waits a moment before placing his other hand over yours and squeezing it gently.

“I love you,” Kihyun says, “even if you’ve known me for only a few months, even if you think I’m being completely hyperbolic and exactly like the other boys you’ve dated. My heart beats so quick when I’m around you and… I’ve said it all before. I don’t know what else I can do to make you believe me.”

“I believe you, Kihyun. I’m stupid to have ever doubted you before.”

“Will you take me back, then?”

You look up to Kihyun, eyes stopping on his lips for the briefest of seconds. You nod once, then a second time, then give into the overwhelming feeling that you _need_ to kiss him. You press your lips to his, savouring the taste of _home_ that Kihyun gives you. Your hands are on his cheeks trying to hold onto him forever but you know you have to let him go.

Even if he made your feelings a mess, even if you made you crave the things you hated the most, you needed Kihyun. “I need you, Yoo Kihyun.”


End file.
